My Mona Lisa

While he was busy answering the call that abrupt our conversation about the results, my mind was running several calculations about the obvious possibilities. Out of which one being the planning for my parents anniversary. And the other being about the embarrassment that I might face. I wasn’t worried about the embarrassment the result might bring, as the other two didn’t make the cut. If your friend is also part of the competition and doesn’t get through, you don’t feel bad. The suspense was building about the result and I was starting to get annoyed with the phone call. Just when I was about to step out of the cabin with an excuse, he disconnected the call. Leaving me in an awkward position where I was leaning towards the door with my back towards him. I adjusted myself. He said you are through to the next round. You better be prepared for the next round as this happens tomorrow.

Just a couple of months before the competition there were new hirees that joined our department. Out of which one girl was my best friends junior from college. The moment I saw her, I fell in love with her. In these couple of months we had become good friends and I wanted to take this opportunity to really impress her. So I did the most obvious thing any boy would do in this situation. I asked her to be cheer me at the competition. She was there for the GD and the extempore and she said she will be there for the physical round too. One part of me was happy but the other half was scared about she watching me fail.

The third round was the physical round. Trust me my boss didn’t fancy my chances of even qualifying the round. So the drill was to climb 15 feet up the ladder. Cover the distance of 15 feet hanging to a rope, then steer our way across a plank that is narrower than the size of ones feet, while balancing a marble in a semi cylindrical object in one hand. Then take out a chit from a fish bowl full of rats and then dunking your had in a bucket full of cow shit to find a pen of the same colour that is mentioned on the chit and finally drinking 250 ml of healthy karela (bitter gourd) juice. The entire drill will be timed and four participants with the best time will make it to the next round . That was scheduled to take place on the annual day.

It looked easy and fun to me initially but was tougher than any army training, I thought at that time. The first person prepared himself and started the drill and Boy! He made the rope crossing look tougher than ever. I was cent percent sure about me that I will make a fool out of myself while performing the drill. The organisers asked me if I wanted to go next and all I could do was run towards my boss and yell no while running. People who saw me running, were laughing. 

While I was standing behind my boss, he leaned towards me and asked, Yeh karle ga bhecho (will you be able to pull this off fucker)? I could understand the sarcasm in his tone. But could not do anything about it as I was asking the same thing to my self over and over again. 

My eyes were searching for the sight of my love. But she was no where to be found. She was definitely working that afternoon shift. Moreover she promised me that she will be present today at the event. Soon, I was the last one left to complete the drill. The boy who went before me was of the same weight as me. I saw him completing the drill which made me more nervous. As I started approached the ladder my heart rate started climbing with every step up the ladder. I saw her coming towards the activity area.There she was! The most beautiful girl I have ever known, looking for me. I loved the colour of her red lipstick. Her red lipstick was always different from the other girls in the department. It was neither too dark or too light. It was just the right amount of red. I wanted to shout and tell her where I was. But my throat had already dried as usual. 

Getting up the ladder was easy. But crossing towards the other end was the toughest part. You see the more heavier you are the gravity helps to you fall faster as per Sir Newton’s law. So here I was midway, trying to pull my overweight body towards the finishing end of the rope. The task that was looking impossible then. I could feel my hands losing the grip. My left hand slipped and I saw aluminium ladder was right under my head. I could hear the bystanders shouting a terrified oooooh fffuu… I told myself that if I lose the grip I may end up in the hospital with an open skull. Somehow I managed to pull my self up and cross the first obstacle. In the next task on the drill I was to balance the marble which fell twice before I could cross the finish line. Finally in my third attempt I finished the second obstacle and in no time I was dunking my hand in a bowl full of rats followed by a bucket full of shit. It was the time to drink the health potion the karela juice. I did it in no time. I couldn’t wait to see the look on everyones face who doubted me. I was jumping with joy in the inside and calm as a Mahendra Singh Dhoni on the outside. 

I was not aware of my time and as per my superstitious ritual, I left the sight and went back to my work station after washing my stinking hands. Everyone in the department avoided shaking hands with me because of obvious reasons. I got a call from the human resources guy asking me to come at the competition site as I am through to the next round. I couldn't believe it. It was surreal. I was so happy that I could not stop smiling in the pictures that were taken by the HR. I was on cloud nine. But the journey to the clouds was cut short when I was told that I have to perform on the stage and showcase a talent in the final and decisive round. I have no talents, except for the fact that I can be really sarcastic and insult you without you noticing it at that very moment. That was the only thing that helped me save my ass so many times. This was the reason I didn’t want to participate in the first go. But now I was standing here trying to figure out how can I make a fool out of myself in front of everyone.

I sat in my room and started thinking about the talents I posses. The more I thought the more I wanted to murder my boss. He was the reason I was in this spot. That is when my roommate walked in and calmed me down. He went back and forth with all the options that I had. I was tired and started watching random videos on youtube. I came across a video of a speed painter. It is a new form of painting where the painter paints the picture upside down in a 90 seconds. The audience has no clue about the actual painting. It is no less than an illusion. My drawing classes came in handy and I decided to go with this option. But the trouble here is that I could barely draw something straight after so many years, forget about drawing something capsized.

So we came up with the plan that I will draw Gandhiji’s profile with the National flag on the side. I bought a couple of chart papers, paint brushes and colour. The back side of the main door was my easel. I had 2 weeks to perfect the craft. I was finally getting a hang of it. Five days prior to the final showdown I get to know that a fifth participant has been added and he will also be drawing. I was puzzled and scared. I spoke to the HR and was assured that he is not doing something similar to my craft. I wasn’t convinced tough. In the mean while I was focusing completing the art work in 90 seconds as per the guidelines of the competition. I made a sound track for 90 seconds to run behind while I will be drawing.

The D - Day arrived and I was all set to rock. I had informed the organisers to tell me 10 minutes before hand when I am supposed to go on the stage as I had to carry all my tools along. It takes a minute or half to setup the easel and brushes and the paint on the stand. But to my surprise my name was announced and I was puzzled. Somehow I managed to land up on the stage all haphazard. I asked them to rewind the music and play it all over again. I started painting. Soon I could hear the crowd yelling, “yeh kya kr ha hai tu” (what are you doing)? That is not the colour of the national flag. I was smiling when I heard them. I knew I have almost won. The moment the song stopped I dropped my brushes. I turned the easel and I could see their jaws drop. That was the loudest applause that night. 

This is a photo of my parents from the Goa trip I won as a prize.